I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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