First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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