He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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