Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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