umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
