Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
