It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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