Apparently you make a good broom.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize