Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize