My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
