my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
