Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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