How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize