I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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