just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
