ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
