Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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