Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
