I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
