How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
