Sponge bath it is.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
