that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
