So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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