its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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