I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
