you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
even my farts smell like vagina
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
