I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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