I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
