woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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