I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
