My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
