if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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