Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
