u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
