thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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