Quick, to the slutcave!
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Randomize
