Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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