remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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