I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
