My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
