So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
