Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
