dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize