All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
