I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize