my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
