Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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