Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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