My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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