finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
