Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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