the new term for farting is butt boxing.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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