sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
my phone needs a breathalizer
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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