So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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