bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
