my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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