This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
should my penis look like a turkey
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
