I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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