Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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