They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
