oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Randomize
