"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
