worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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