I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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