I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If I die, sorry about rent.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
