So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
