I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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