physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
