I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
