just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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