There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Randomize
