Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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