Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
