Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
