Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
