I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
