I wish my penis had an off switch
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
