and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
