He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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