you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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