my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
