I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize