it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
