The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
