He uses pillows to masturbate.
it was like eating out sand paper
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
