Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize