That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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