A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
