i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
then he tried to convert me to islam
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
