K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
