The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
