Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize