is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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