After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Come share oat with me in your robe
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
