My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
