Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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