hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
