is wine microwaveable?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
