There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
