Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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