I'm so fucking centered right now
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
