I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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