I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
